Why Is Finding A Purpose So Hard?

Surrender and have faith in your evolution, so things can flow in your reality.

Waking From A Dream - Mike Willcox

I have been obsessed with finding a purpose for most of my life. Even when I began travelling to London and Portugal, I didn't take a break. The reason why is simple: I want to devote my soul to something bigger than myself. I also want to take responsibility for improving who I am and the world I live in. I don't want to let my time go to waste. I want to know that even when I'm not at my highest, I am still creating something that touches people's lives.

My dedication to this quest is important to me. But there is also fear driving my actions: I fear that if I ever stop searching I will settle for a mediocre life. What else explains running almost everyday since 1 year ago? What else explains committing to writing at least 5 days a week? This obsession comes almost out of joy: I feel an INTENSE connection when I do it. But deep inside I also believe that if I ever stop, I won’t conclude anything.

The more avoidant you are about what you believe will change the course of your life for the better, the more doubting and negative your thoughts become!

I second-guess myself because I seek to achieve greatness. If you live this way, you know what I'm talking about, literally, you have the urge to create since you wake up. And when I do create, the sun shines on a blue sky, I'm confident, and I trust my actions. When I don’t, it is all dark and gloomy and I start to doubt everything I do. These strong feelings allowed me to believe that if I keep creating somehow I will find what I seek. And even though I’m the one telling others not to worry and that’s enough being alive to be a joyful, loving, compassionate human being, I can’t blame anyone for not resting in the hope of finding a deeper meaning. I think it’s what we are all here to do.

It's funny that I REALLY believe that finding joy in each moment of life is essential, but I'm still so bad at surrendering to it!

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Last weekend, I had lunch at my girlfriend’s house. We spent time together with her family, eating Italian tagliatelle with mushrooms and drinking a red wine that turned out to hit like a rock! We had lots of laughs and shouts. I loved it.

But then, the next morning I was tired, I wanted to do nothing and my inner dialogue was all but positive.

Why would I feel that way? Because procrastinating means taking a break. It means having a nap to refill my energy. It means feeling unconfident, purposeless, and probably out of place.

It’s not that I didn’t know my self-care was a priority. But being on the move can feel more rewarding than sitting, waiting, apparently doing nothing.

I'm the kind of person who gets an INSANE amount of positivity and confidence when I feel that I'm of service. To me, others, hopefully both!

I've been restless for years. Nonetheless, it was only when I realised that surrendering and being more indulgent with myself is not important—it is necessary! Balancing action and rest can be hard. Not being a control freak can be hard. Allowing life to flow naturally means listening our needs: writing for hours? Running 5 kilometres? Taking a nap? Drinking wine? All are part of the mission because they can tell us something we need to realise. Good or bad. And that’s how I learned to ask myself: What your body needs right now? What do you really want to do? What will make you feel good today? What can you do?

Ironically, these questions made me come back to my hometown for a while. Instead of forcing hard situations, I chose it was time to slow down and get things done. So, even if I’d make a "mistake," I would be forced to focus again.

Let yourself wander. Follow your cues and faith in who you are right now.

Sometimes, surrendering can mean doing what your so-disciplined-self would normally avoid. But having faith in your evolution will make things flow in your reality.

Life has always something in store for you, no matter what you do. One day you relax. One day you run. One day you wake up and write for hours. Most of the time, you’ll probably do both. And when it is hard to trust what we don’t know yet, let’s begin with ourselves.

So today, have faith in who you are. Do what’s necessary to keep going and remember that everything you are going to do can reveal what you're looking for.

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Thanks to everyone reading here. I appreciate you. If you enjoyed these words, consider subscribing! And if you want me to write for you, send advice letters to acreativeroom@proton.me

See you next week,

Bryan